Volume 4, Issue 10 - October 2003

Credibility Crunchers
Part 2:
By Rhonda Scharf (Finniss)

I attended an amazing conference this weekend, designed to build my business. The facilitator was an extremely successful businessman from Florida. He was amazed at the words we chose to use to describe our businesses, our success and our dreams. He pointed out to us that we took away our own power, prestige and positioning by what we chose to say. We were crunching our own credibility, and we weren't even aware of it! Once he started to bring it to our attention, we became more conscious of it. Sure, we blamed the entire thing on the Canadian lack of boastful pride that, perhaps, we all have. Our facilitator indicated that this mistake was not only Canadian, it had a worldwide impact and we needed to be aware that we were hurting ourselves by speaking that way.

For the second half of this credibility cruncher article, I've highlighted some of the most common softening words. I hear these being used in many countries - not just Canada - and by both sexes. I've even said them myself. What we need to be aware of is how these words are affecting the image other people have of us.

Softening phrases
Softening phrases work against us, especially when we aren't in charge. Without even realizing it, they take away our credibility. They make us appear far more passive than we realize. This causes others to assume we are not competent or professional. Just by changing a few simple words you can improve your image. What is one of the biggest softening words? Try.

"Try"
We use the word, try, when we aren't sure of what we can or can't do. For instance: someone comes up to your desk and asks if you can get report "A" done for 5:00 p.m. You are swamped with work, but you really like the person and want to help her, so you say, "I'll try." In your own mind you are saying, "I really doubt that I can help you, but because I don't know what else to say, I'll tell you I'll try to get it done. But don't expect that it will get done." The other person heard, "It will be done."

This is a classic communication error. Don't tell people what you'll try to do - tell them what you will do. Use an assertive, confident tone and tell them what you will do. That way, you won't be seen or treated as passive and subsequently lose the respect of your co-worker.

"I'm sorry"
Another softening phrase is, "I'm sorry." We use the phrase to be polite. The problem is that the words are perceived as taking responsibility. If you could have avoided the situation and you chose not to, then "I'm sorry" is appropriate. It is not appropriate to say "I'm sorry" when you are bumped into by another person, when you are asking someone to repeat what she said or when you cannot do what the other person wants you to do.

Take, for example, the situation in which you are working at your desk and a supervisor comes up to you and asks you to take care of an item for her. Assume you are really busy working on a number-one priority task and are unable to help her. Should you say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you right now"? Only if you really are sorry, which in many cases, you probably are not. If you really are disappointed, upset and genuinely sorry, then say you're sorry. Otherwise, you are using the wrong words.

The higher up the corporate ladder people climb, the less likely they are to use the words "I'm sorry." Be aware of your use of this phrase. When you are sorry, be sure to say you are sorry. When you are just being polite, choose other words. For instance, if someone asks you to attend a meeting for them, instead of saying "I'm sorry, I can't go today," be polite and say "Thank you for asking me. I am unable to attend."

"I can't"
Another word that can work against you is the word, can't. Someone once told me that "I can't" is an acronym for I Certainly Am Not Trying, because there are very few things that one absolutely cannot do. There is much that you choose not to do, but rarely is it because you are not actually able to do so. I can embezzle millions of dollars from my company. However, I won't actually do it.

Instead of saying that you can't do a particular task by a certain deadline, take a look at whether you really can do it. If you didn't do anything else for the rest of the day and focused only on that one project, would you be able to get it done? If the answer is yes, then the words "I can't" do not apply. The other demands on your time take precedence for you and you choose not to do the task.

In those situations, what you need to say is what you can do, not what you can't do.

"I wish"
The words, "I wish", are also softening words, because they give the impression that you don't know what you can or cannot do. This gives the appearance of passivity. People who are assertive or even aggressive are very clear on what they can do and cannot do so they wouldn't use the words, "I wish."

It is amazing how often we crunch our own credibility just by using certain soft words and phrases. Fortunately, it can easily be avoided by taking a more critical look at the things we say and the way we say them.

Rhonda Scharf (Finniss), CSP is a Certified Professional Speaker, Trainer and Author and President of ON THE RIGHT TRACK - Training & Consulting and is available to deliver customized training programs or keynote speeches at your next convention. Call her today at 1-877-213-8608 or e-mail Rhonda@on-the-right-track.com. Why not take a moment and sign up here for her complimentary quarterly newsletter.