Volume2, Issue 1 - January 2001

ARE YOU LISTENING?

There is a big difference between hearing and listening. Your teenage kids, they hear you… they just aren't listening! Many times we do exactly the same thing. Listening means much more than hearing. We all have some pretty bad habits, and poor listening habits are some of them. Check the following list to see if you need to get ON THE RIGHT TRACK with your listening in 2001:

1.
The number one poor listening habit (which 90% of do) is INTERRUPTING! Now, I must confess… I do this (ugh!). I don't interrupt and finish people's sentences because I intend to be rude. I just am following your train of thought, and can get there faster than you can! (or think I can).

Honestly, most people who do finish the thoughts of others are not even aware that they are doing it. Unfortunately, the message that sends to the other person is "what you are saying isn't very important to me - let me talk!"

I make a point to hold my tongue in my mouth until the person is finished speaking (and believe me sometimes that takes effort!). This takes conscious effort because my lips often move without my brain being in gear. (Does anyone else have this problem?). Wait, breathe, wait and then respond when it is clear they are finished speaking. It takes lots of practice, but your friends, co-workers, family members and clients will appreciate the effort.

2.
The second bad habit on our listening list is "Fear of not having all the answers. This tends to happen to us (at work) when we are new in the job. Everyone seems to hate saying "I don't know" so we listen just long enough to get an answer in our head. The problem is - it often isn't the answer to the question.

For example… you call into a company and tell the receptionist that you would like to speak to Ms. Jones. Now before you are even finished, the receptionist says, "She isn't in right now. Would you like to leave a message?" The problem is that you weren't finished your question because she didn't hear the part about…. "In person, next week at her convenience. " Not only did she interrupt, she wanted to have an answer to your question. She answered the wrong question.

3.
Over-reacting. Oops - I'm guilty again! There are some situations that I chronically over-react in. We all have "hot-buttons" and we just need anyone to push them - and BOOM! We're gone!

Another example for you: On Saturday night in my house, we watch "Hockey Night in Canada" (what else eh?). Between the first and second period, CBC has a time slot for none other than Don Cherry. Now Mr. Cherry is extremely good at his job - so good in fact that I will over-react to everything he has to say! Why? Because I don't listen - I over-react. We often have people in our offices and personal lives that we just don't listen to. They know exactly where our hot buttons are, and just love to push them.

4.


The last bad listening habit is "Pseudolistening". Basically, this means "pretending to listen." Anyone who is married has done this (oops, I'm guilty again!) But, are you doing it at work, with clients, with co-workers, or heavens forbid, your boss? Be sure to catch yourself when you are "pretending". The clue for you is the "un huh's" we say over and over again.
 


I know that if you think about these bad habits, you too will confess a little guilt. Are you interesting in creating good habits? I am pretty sure that you will find if you focus on your listening just a little bit you will find fewer misunderstandings, and even better time-management!


Rhonda Scharf (Finniss) is President of ON THE RIGHT TRACK - Training & Consulting and is available for training and keynote speeches for your organization. Call today at 1-877-213-8608 or e-mail Rhonda@on-the-right-track.com.
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